If you’re a straight guy, you’re probably used to asking for (or even just taking) what you want in bed.
You want to switch positions? You flip her over. You want a blowjob? You subtly nudge her until you get one. You want to try a threesome? You not-so-subtly suggest it when drunk one night. Even if you get turned down, at least you expressed what you wanted.
For lots of guys, that’s just how sex works.
But lots of guys also have at least one or two things they’re a little bit shy about. Things they might watch in porn and get turned on by but never bring up, or things they feel guilty about liking, are ashamed of or wish they didn’t find quite as hot as they do. If you recognize that feeling, well, you’re getting just a little taste of what it’s like to be a woman.
A lot of hetero sex ends up being what the guy wants, not what the girl wants. Yep — there are things that women just… never ask for.
You might not realize that, sure, but how can you realize that someone isn’t asking you for something they want? It looks exactly the same as not wanting anything in the first place.
You might find that surprising as a man, but it’s time to demystify that once and for all.
Kinky Things Women Want to Do
Let’s be clear: You should absolutely not assume that she is into any of the below just because you hope it’ll be the case.
“Every woman is different, and the spectrum of possibly kinky fun is vast,” says Lords. “But some fantasies are common among women (and people in general).”
So with that in mind, here are some kinky things to do in bed that many women are into:
“Believe it or not, some women are actually genuinely interested in trying anal sex,” says Riel.
“Although you would think their partner would jump at the chance, there is always the possibility that the idea grosses him out, or perhaps he’d just have no desire to do it. Unfortunately, all you can do in that situation is try bringing it up to your partner and hope for their best. As long as you approach the subject lightly and objectively, your partner will be more likely to potentially hear you out.”
2. Role Play
“Many women often want to engage in role play with their partners but might feel nervous asking for exactly what they want,” says Engle. “No one wants to be judged or to freak their partner out, so she may keep [her desire for you] to pretend to be the OB/GYN and give her a pelvic exam to herself.”
3. Domination and Submission
“Some women want to be controlled by their partner, to submit; others want to be in control and dominate,” says Lords.
Exploring domination and submission “can be done in a purely sexual way or as part of a relationship role,” she adds. “Sexy kinky examples include asking for permission to orgasm (as a submissive) or deciding if your partner can orgasm (as a dominant); choosing the pace, position, and type of sex you’ll have, or letting your partner control the moment.”
“Bondage and BDSM have taken over a large part of the sex industry recently,” says Riel. “The curiosity for a lot of women has sparked, and there’s more of an interest in trying kinkier sex acts than before. Some of this is surely thanks to the ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ book/movie series, but it can be an area of sex that your lady may want to dive into and experiment with.”
5. Breath Play
“Choking can be very sexy and can increase sexual arousal and blood flow to the clitoris,” says Engle.
“Place a hand on her neck, applying pressure to the sides, not directly on the esophagus. Use a ‘tap’ system where she can tap you with her hand to say she’s had enough. Choking and breath play should not be taken lightly. You want to be sure you’re doing it right. Go to a class, watch some videos and practice before engaging.”
“If you’ve ever smacked a woman on the ass, and she went wild in a good way, there’s a really good chance she’d be willing to try more spankings,” says Lords. “Some are part of role play (think of a naughty schoolgirl being punished by her teacher) or just because it’s fun and they enjoy the sensation of pain and pleasure.”
7. Having a Threesome
“This can be a woman’s biggest fear when it comes to telling her partner because of the unknown result of said threesome,” says Riel. “There’s always the possibility of jealousy on his part, or her own, when it comes to performing the act. She may be insecure if you bring in another woman, for example, that you may be more sexually satisfied or attracted to her than your own partner. If she expresses an interest in trying it out, give her the peace of mind that you’re willing to do whatever you can to me make her the most confident and comfortable during the experience.”
8. Temperature Play
“Temperature play can be very kinky and hot,” says Engle. “You can grab some ice from the freezer and run it over her nipples, inner thighs, stomach, etc. It’s a simple way to up the ante on arousal and get your body in the mood. You can also get some body-safe massage candles for warm temperature play. Kinksters often use regular candles so they can actually leave marks, but this is not a good idea for beginners. You want something that is meant to be used on skin.”